January 2008 would be one of the most challenging and prayerful months of our lives. A book could be written about the events of that month alone.
The gates of heaven were heavy with our requests. Prayers for life were said for the baby within me, God would have to intervene to bring this child forth. Prayers for wisdom were lifted up as we considered the adoption of these three siblings. Prayers for healing for me, as we cogitated the options for treatment.
God is not a god of confusion, yet our minds were continually confounded. Fear and anxiety swirled in our heads with little relief. Would this baby make it? Would my life be jeopardized? Should we concede to a biopsy? How long would the agency give us to work things out before we forfeited our chance to adopt these kids?
Early ultrasounds showed the baby in tact within my uterus, but gave little information as to whether this pregnancy could make it. Blood work showed that my hormone levels were adequate, surprising in light of my history. With this, we would have to wait a few more weeks until we could tell more, however things looked good.
Our agency provided me with the names of phone numbers of families who had adopted older children and preferably siblings. I needed to talk to other parents to determine what effect these three could have on our existing family. “I want to hear the good, bad and ugly”, I would say to these adoptive parents, “We really want to understand what we’re getting into.”
One such call put me in touch with a family from New York, who had adopted an Ethiopian sib set. After exchanging pleasantries, we got into the nitty-gritty of house size, language barriers and sibling relations. They seemed to be an easy going family who had adopted fairly well-adjusted kids. Finally, the mother asked me if I minded telling her the names of the children we were considering. I wasn’t sure that I was permitted to do this, but I told her. It turned out that her adopted children knew Rahel, Bereket and Epherem from the same orphanage.
Something strange happens to you when someone who you’ve never met knows and has seen someone you think you might adopt and already are beginning to have feelings for. It felt as though it was from God and we took it as such. The woman told us, per her adopted kids, that they were very nice kids as far as they could tell.
Another call I made wasn’t quite as pleasant.
Trying to understand the psychological implications and challenges ahead, I sought out professionals in the this area of expertise. After asking a social worker friend for a referral, she gave me two names to call. One was a very well-known author on the subject ( which I didn’t realize at the time) and a well-known adoptive family counselor in Cincinnati.
Very different personalities and experiences lent to vastly different opinions on our prospective situation. The author had himself been an adoptive parent of a foster child. He described many difficult, yet rewarding years with this child, his only child it seemed.
The counselor was quite another story, indeed. Searching for an adjective to describe this personality, I would use alarmist. She rubbed me wrong in the first 20 words. Her dire warnings about how she counsels families who have adopted older children were so harsh and unbalanced, that her words lost all credibility in my mind. It was almost as if everything in her world had gone wrong that day, before she got on the phone with me. I am not influenced by alarmists, I’m just not. I need the facts, fair and balanced.
I made notes of what she said, as I wanted to share them with my husband. We largely dismissed her opinion. However, her seemingly ‘prophetic’ prediction has rung in my mind many times since then. Had she not eaten rocks for breakfast that morning, her years of experience and expertise might have been able to serve us.
The breast situation introduced us to one of the area’s most respected surgeons. I’ve grown to really like and respect him. However, I didn’t like his procedure recommendation: Core-needle biopsy of both breasts. The link doesn’t do it justice as it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever been through, and I’ve delivered 10# babies without an aspirin, mind you.
Mark and I both felt in our hearts that I didn’t have breast cancer. I have always been ‘lumpy’ and fibrocystic has run in my family. Liability for the doctors seemed to be a major driving factor in this whole situation. However, how could we commit to increase our family from 6 kids to 10 without some assurance that I definately didn’t have cancer?
During this time, I had a very frightening dream that continued to repeat itself. Night after night, I would wake up, alarmed and afright. A small bear attacked me in the dream, adorn with razor sharp teeth. While the animal wasn’t all that big, he was extremely aggressive and was clearly out for my life. During the dream, I would gain strength and throw the bear far from me, with only moments to escape. However, before I could even get up from the ground, the bear attacked again, and again, and again. I continued to fight the bear and despite his numerous attempts at my throat, I was able to keep him at bay until I would finally awake, exhausted and sweaty.
Finally, after many nights of this reoccuring dream, I asked my good friend, L about it. L has a Christian friend who is into the whole dream interpretation thing. I thought that perhaps she could offer some insight. Sure enough, L’s friend told her that a ‘bear’ in a dream symbolizes a threat that isn’t as bad as it appears.
Regardless of your thoughts about dream interpretation, I have doubts of my own, I seriously considered this dream and discussed it with Mark. Perhaps the whole breast situation was the ‘bear’, more bark than bite. Hmmm…..
Wow, this is quite the long story, isn’t it? Are you still awake? What are your thoughts so far???
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Thanks for sharing. I believe dreams mean something but the interpratation is what is questionable, I’ve had serveral reacurring dreams and looked up several different interpratations. My favorite reacurring dream was a long time ago, in it I was sitting in a boat out in the deep waters of the sea surrounded by whales, it was so peaceful; during a non-peaceful time of my life.
That is a great story! It was awesome that someone had met your children before you adopted them. Rocks for breakfast not a good way to start your day.
Andi,
Was there an interpretation regarding the whales? Just curious….
This series is perfect timing for us! We are just beginning the process of adoption. We have 7 children, with only two children still at home. Doubts and fears have been overwhelming us. Although, the initial plan was to adopt one child, our family has been drawn to a sibling group of 3 as well! Their picture just jumped out at me. Looking at them, I feel they belong in our family. My husband is still not sold on the idea of 3. I’m sure we can handle it, after all, we’ve had 7 kids running around the house before – 5 should be a breeze! And the dream thing, I’m struggling with a “tornado” invading my sleep! (but I do live in tornado alley, so maybe that’s a normal dream to be having)
Debbie,
I made the same statement about being able to handle more kids. However, you are not taking on 3 “normal” kids. They will bring major baggage into your home. Your bios could greatly resent it…it’s not Disneyland like the brochures make it seem.
REALLY pray and listen to your husband. It’s been hard for us, much harder than I could have ever really imagined. Yet, I know in my heart that we were called.
No one can prepare you. It’s quite a ride.
My thoughts about the story so far? Those who discount spiritual attacks are mistaken. I don’t know about dreams. I can never discount them because of the many biblical references to God speaking in dreams, but I don’t know how you tell which dreams are from God and which are from our own thoughts. It is something I think about. Adoption is something I think about. Is it the nudging of the Holy Spirit? I feel so inadequate to take on such a role. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m very interested.
Sheila,
Thanks so much for reading our story. You might be think adoption, but perhaps the timing isn’t right? Don’t underestimate the power of “sponsorship”, where you sponsor a child each month for a small fee. They get schooling, food and shelter, all within their own culture. We still sponsor a slew of kids. “Compassion International” and “Feed the Hungry” are both great organizations.
You have been through so much! It’s inspiring to see your faith and conviction through hard times. I can’t wait to read more installments of your adoption story. I’m interested to know more about the struggles you went through after adopting. As someone who is interested in adopting in the future (far in the future!), I often read about the great joy people find through adoption, but I don’t always get to hear about the challenges it seems many people must also face as they accept new children into their families.
Elizabeth,
You’ve been a reader for a while so I’m going to be honest with you….it’s been hard. Very hard. The hurting adoptive families don’t often get a chance to voice what they are struggling with, for well-founded fear of judgement and rejection. That’s why you don’t hear about them, they are a secret society of their own.
Adoption changes your life…for the good, for the worst. No one can truly be prepared, no matter how much you read. Only God can call you to it and sustain you until He comes.
Riveted, engrossed, interested – Shall I go on. So far it is an amazing story. I am very curious to see how things go. Somehow there is a great deal of joy and heartbreak in the coming posts.
Lissa,
What a story, huh? The conclusion comes tomorrow, but it was only the beginning. Thanks for reading!
I can’t imagine how stressful life must have been at this point. Somewhere I’d read about the other adoptive kids knowing “your” three…must have been in something else I’ve read on your blog. What a cool “sign” to receive!
Cathy,
Yes, that was in the story as well. Three kids who were adopted in NY knew our kids from the same orphanage….quite a “coincidence”, eh?
Kelly,
We do have two Compassion kids. I think a great deal of my hesitation is due to the fact that while I think I could get my husband to agree to at the very least look into adoption, I think it would be because I want to, and that’s not the way to do. However, I’m 44, so the window of opportunity isn’t that long. I think God put the desire in my heart to love other kids for a reason, so I’m just praying to understand that reason and to be open to what He has for me to do. Discernment doesn’t seem to ever get easier for me!
Sheila,
I understand. Can I add you to my prayer list?
Wow! You need to write a book!
We had started the process of adoption, but unfortunately, it didn’t work out. It seems God may be opening up the idea again, now with me finding your story and several other signs I’ve gotten of late. Thank you for sharing your personal journey. Know that you are helping others by doing so. Blessings…
Daisy,
A book will be written one of these days!
Good luck with your adoption research and decision!
Agree that you need to write a book!
Tracy,
One of these days!
Yes, I would love for you to pray for me. God has changed my heart so much. I very much want to do what he has for me. Thank you!